What Do You Want?

Someone asked me a while ago, the most simple and complicated question that I’ve ever encountered. Four words that are seemingly non-threatening and yet have the power to change both a beginning and an ending. “What do you want?”

At first, it seems simple enough. I’ve always known what I wanted for my life. House on the lake, two kids, a fulfilling marriage, and a job at the news desk at 6 o’clock. But I think the question was meant to solicit a deeper, more meaningful response. I was led to the realization that I never knew what I had wanted for my heart. I always looked for who matched what I wanted for my life. Who could provide the very things that I found necessary to the life I’ve always wanted. But maybe, just maybe I should have searched for what I wanted for my heart. So for the past month or so, I’ve searched. I’ve thought about it. I’ve listened to a million country songs. I’ve read a thousand quotes and Facebook statuses. And somewhere in the midst of the loneliness, the “I’m okay’s,” and the sleepless nights, I think I’ve found it. And of course, the answer is every bit as simple and complicated as the question.

I want to be chosen. Out of 6,872,800,000 people living in the world today, I want to be found in a crowd. I want to be found and wrapped up in the midst of chaos, of tragedy, of perfect and messy. And I want to be chosen. Not once. But again and again. Day after day. You can choose me for the wrong reason. You can choose me for all the right ones. Just choose me. Tell me that for all these complicated reasons that you don’t care to understand, that you want me.

Don’t want me just because you can’t have me. And don’t want me when I’m gone. Choose me today. Want me tomorrow. Fight with me. Forgive me. And then choose me again. Tell me I’m wrong. And that I’m impossible and difficult or even that you can’t do this anymore. Then come back and choose me all over again. I don’t care what happens in between the fights, the slamming doors, the walking out, and the making up and the breaking up. As long as we choose each other in the end.

Wake up every morning and know why you’re in this messy, exhilarating relationship with me. Choose an imperfect, chaotic me over a perfect, undemanding her. And that will be enough for me. That is what I want.

Things I have learned..

Things I have learned….

-Sometimes people threaten to leave to see how much their absence would matter.

-An apology should always be to the point, sincere, and without excuses.

-You don't have to be defined by the mistakes that you make. Only you get to decide what defines you.

-Don't dwell on the opportunities you missed. If you missed out the first time, there's always a second chance awaiting your arrival.

-Tragedy can determine your strength or destroy your faith. Choice is always yours.

-Always go after what you want. If you don’t, someone else will.

-Your words have the power to change how people feel about themselves. Use them wisely.

-Passionate people can overwhelm you, intimidate you, and annoy you. But they can love you, push you, and better you

.-There are times when the only explanation is…’the heart wants what it wants.’

-Unanswered prayers are often protection from the things we want in exchange for the things we need.

-At the end of the day, you have two choices. You can count your worries. Or you can count your blessings.

-Spend your time missing the people who had no say in their departure, not the ones who had every opportunity to stay and didn’t.

-Familiarity can be a dangerous, toxic drug that can hinder your growth.

-Love is never about staying with someone throughout the years. It’s about waking up each morning and choosing that one person over and over again. Choice…that’s the thing.

-When people choose to walk out on you, always remember that they measured every quality of yours and decided you were not a necessity to their life.

-Never base your decisions from the advice of those who don’t have to deal with the results.

-Life is too short to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you.

-Never waste your time convincing someone that you’re worth their attention.

-Bad news is…your past mistakes were in your hands. Good news is…the future is as well.

-Fill your life with chances, with risks, with opportunity. Then, regret will find it has no room left to fill.

-Life is like an hour glass. When everything sinks to the bottom, you have the chance to turn it right around.

-Without fighting, there is no passion in a relationship. Passion is every bit as necessary as trust.

-Sometimes it’s more important to forgive yourself than to seek forgiveness from others.

-Always remember…this too shall come to pass. All good things may come to an end, but then again, so do all bad things.

-Saying goodbye is inevitable. Saying a regretful goodbye doesn’t have to be.

-Always stand your ground. Even if the ground you stand upon is shaking beneath you.

-Your best friends are your "anyway" friends. That no matter what you do, or say, despite the mistakes you make, or the hearts your break, those friends are your friends "anyway."

-Don't ever stop crying if you're hurting. To stop crying is to pretend it doesn't hurt. and to pretend it doesn't hurt is to pretend it didn't happen. to pretend it didn't happen is to cheat yourself out of a really big part of your life.

"I Bet"

 "I Bet"

Jenna Nelson

These tears hide a promise of better days.

This heart’s been misused and misplaced.

I’ve loved you so much in all the wrong ways.

Said all the wrong words, I’ve made my mistakes.

I’ve been used up and I’ve been put down.

Stopped reaching for you, started looking to escape.

But I bet I still love the way you laugh.

And I bet you still hate the way I don’t.

I bet I still need the way you love me back.

And I bet you’d still admit it, even if I won’t.

I bet I still reach for you after another goodbye.

And I bet you’d still bet on us, but I wonder why.

I know you’re right where I went wrong.

In you, I find the better me, even when she’s gone.

One step forward means two steps back again.

Where we go doesn’t have to be where we’ve been.

‘Cause where we’ve been hasn’t always been so good.

Just ‘cause we gave up once, doesn’t mean we should.

‘Cause I bet I still love the way you laugh.

And I bet you still hate the way I don’t.

I bet I still need the way you love me back.

And I bet you’d still admit it, even if I won’t.

I bet I still reach for you after another goodbye.

And I bet you’d still bet on us, but I wonder why.

The rest of me won’t lose the best of you.

Saved me then, can you save me now?

I’ll forgive me, if you forgive me, too.

I’ll get back to me if we get back to us, somehow.

‘Cause I bet you can still make me laugh.

And I bet you’ll still hate it if I don’t.

I bet you still need the way I love you back.

And I bet I’d still admit it, even if you won’t.

I bet you’d still reach for me after another goodbye.

And I bet I’d bet on us and this is why.

So I wrote a song...

Someone told me once that words have the power to change how people think...how they feel. And I guess if everyone has access to words that hold that kind of power, they should be used for some kind of good. So I started writing songs on the days that weren't so good, hoping that maybe I could use my own words to change how I felt....

"Hell No" is a song that relates to relationship abuse. It doesn't have to be physical, doesn't have to be emotional. But I think everyone's been in a relationship that beats them up mentally...

"Hell No"
Jenna Nelson

I’m two steps behind amazing grace.

Fell one time too hard and I’m still here.

I’ll stand again, but I’m stuck in this place.

Said goodbye to my faith and hello to this fear.

‘Cuz that’s the night you took my wings.

That’s when I handed in my halo.

Stepped down from grace, now I can’t sing.

If this is what it takes to be an angel,

Here’s all I have, here’s a hell no.

Fallen angel, maybe. Or maybe not one at all.

Guess I’d rather stand than fly.

At least now I’m standing tall

You won’t find me here, not after this goodbye.

‘Cuz that’s the night you took my wings.

That’s when I handed in my halo.

Stepped down from grace, now I can’t sing.

If this is what it takes to be an angel,

Here’s all I have, here’s a hell no.

Try to find me between your best and regrets.

The verge of tears is all I recognize

Thought heaven made me, but I can’t forget

The halo, the wings were only a disguise.

‘Cuz you had to have my wings.

And I had to hand in my halo.

Chose to step down from grace, choosing not to sing.

Don’t wanna be an angel like this.

Here’s everything I owe you. Here’s a hell no.